Why not?

Hello, dearheart,

At 18 years old I was paralysed by indecision. I wasn't going to university because I knew it wasn't for me, but that didn't free me from the pressure that came with leaving college. It felt like whatever I did next had to be the Big Decision that would Define My Future. Whatever I chose to do now had to be Right™, but the criteria for being Right™ was completely unknown to me, so nothing ever fulfilled it.

A friend took me out for coffee a few months into my indecision and told me about a program in Norway that a friend of hers had gone on, it was a missions program where you could study photography, music, coffee making, art, dance, or adventure (hiking) alongside studying the word of God, and eventually you would go on a missions trip. She brought up the idea as I was interested in both photography and music, so either could work for me, so why didn't I give that a go?

I went away and did a little research, and it seemed cool, if a little scarce on information about logistics, and I could not tell if it was the Right™ thing to do.

Thankfully, I had a moment of clarity.

If I refused to do anything I wasn't certain was Right™, I would never do anything at all.

And so, I asked myself a new question. No longer did I ask, "Is this Right™? Does it have all of the best qualities in the world and make me feel like it's perfect and amazing and correct?", instead I asked myself: "Why not?".

I decided, if I couldn't come up with a good enough reason why not, then I would go to Norway.

Of course, there were a few reasons why not.

For example, it would cost money I didn't have, but I belonged to a church and knew they would help me fundraise, so that wasn't a good enough reason not to.

There was also the fact that these people were strangers, and moving abroad with a bunch of strangers you've only met on the internet is a terrible idea, but my friends friend knew them, and I was able to meet said friend and she hadn't been kidnapped or traumatised horribly, in fact she'd had a wonderful time. So that wasn't a good enough reason either.

What if God didn't want me to go? Well, if he didn't, I was sure he would make it known. My visa could get rejected, my fundraising could never get off the ground, He could stop me in a multitude of ways. But instead, I felt peace. And I had already had a word from Him telling me that he wanted me to use my free will, and that whatever I chose would be good. Besides, what if he did want me to go? So that wasn't a good enough reason either.

So what else was there? That it was scary? Adventure always is. Fear in that manner has never been a good enough reason for me.

And so I went.

And it was the best decision I have ever had the fortune of making.

Since then I have adopted this question as a personal philosophy, a way to motivate myself, a way to move forwards through my own life instead of being stuck by perfectionist ideas. It has so far served me well.

Currently, I am stuck with the opposing problem, that I have a dearth of ideas as to what to do with myself. I have plenty of creative projects I am pursuing, this blog being one of them, and I am getting stuck in-to the community around me, but I find myself needing something Big again.

I'm no longer concerned with it being Right™ as I was before, but I find myself wanting whatever I choose next to be scary. Moving out of my parents house for the first time to live abroad in a country I didn't know with people I'd never met was a challenge, and an incredibly rewarding one.

I find myself restless, and yearning for that challenge again.

Do let me know, dearheart, if you have any ideas. A friend in a coffee shop changed my life for the better, and I'm hungry for ideas I can put my 'Why Not?' question to again. Please let me listen to what you have to say, I am a pacing caged animal in the meantime.

I love you, I hope you are well.

All my love,