Hello, dearheart

oh but I could choke on it
the shame of wanting, crawling up my throat
my craving desire to be held escaping the bounds i tied it in
it's enormity, it's chaos, I have been taught to be ashamed

your convenience birthed my shame
you carefully taught me to apply it layer at a time to my heart
I hope you're proud of how quiet I can be now
how little I can pretend to wish you were near me
how much a burden I now see wanting your friendship must be to you

I shall swallow my words
I shall swallow my needs
I shall swallow my wants
you shall tell me not to apologise, as you reward me for my silence in the same breath
the glint in your eyes tells me to keep it up and hide it better, as your words tell me it'd be okay if I asked for something

I know which language you use for truth, I know which you use to lie

I wish I could live in the world of your words
but your silence strangles my needs, and now my hands do the same